There comes a time in every relationship when you have to decide whether or not to take the next step. Maybe you’re considering asking the person you’re dating to be exclusive. Maybe you and your partner are thinking about moving in together. Or, perhaps you are discussing engagement and marriage. Regardless of the specific relationship commitment you’re considering, it’s common to question whether or not taking the next step is the right decision. You might be feeling pressure from the person you’re dating, your family or society at large, making it difficult to keep a clear head and think about what you really want out of your relationship. The following questions can help you move forward with clarity and confidence.
1. Are you and your partner flexible and compassionate?
For a relationship to last, it’s important to be able to approach your partner with patience, understanding and flexibility. Although you and you partner are likely very close, you are not the same person, and it takes work to truly understand where the other is coming from—especially during periods of strain and stress. Life is unpredictable and sometimes it’s necessary to let go of the small stuff and adapt to your partner’s needs in the moment.
2. Do you and your partner have strong conflict resolution skills?
No two people agree with each other 100% of the time. When considering a relationship commitment ask yourself how you and your partner handle disagreements—Do you give each other the silent treatment or yell and criticize? Does one of you always go along with what the other wants, allowing resentment to grow beneath the surface? Are you able to have honest, productive conversations with one another? If things do get heated are you able to apologize, reconnect and heal? Although you may not have encountered a major conflict yet, it’s important to prepare for inevitable road bumps in the future.
3. Are your lifestyles compatible?
Taking the next relationship commitment step can feel exciting and romantic—and it should! However, as you celebrate your feelings, it’s wise to remember the practical concerns that come with joining your life with another individual. Are you just as happy eating together at home as you are going out on dates? Do you work similar hours with similar commutes? Do you enjoy doing the same activities on the weekend? When your interests and schedules differ are you and your partner comfortable spending time apart? You might find it useful to make a list of particular issues, responsibilities, habits and/or hobbies that are important to you and think about how you might be willing to adapt your life to blend with your partner’s lifestyle.
4. Are you and your partner comfortable being quiet together?
A long-term relationship isn’t all about elaborate dates and romantic gestures. If you are considering moving in together or getting married ask yourself whether or not you feel content and fulfilled just being with your partner. Do you foster intimacy and connection in the quiet moments? Are you happy doing separate things while sitting in the same room? That doesn’t mean you have to settle for a dull, predictable relationship. Asking yourself these questions can help you feel more sure that you experience joy and fulfillment with your partner and not solely in the adventures you share together.
If you’ve answered yes to all of these questions, you are likely ready to make a deeper relationship commitment. If you’re still feeling unsure there’s no need to plunge ahead if you’re not ready. Take some time to reflect on your own. Initiate open an honest conversations with your partner about the future. You don’t need to have all of these questions completely figured out, but working on them together can help nurture a healthy, happy relationship.