The Effects of Trauma are Not Always Obvious
People often seek me out because they’re having trouble managing some combination of stress, depression, and relationship issues. Sometimes, after a little digging, I discover that many of my patients have quietly endured trauma—life-altering tragedies like child abuse, emotional neglect, or sexual coercion. Many of these same people also believe that they’ve long since come to terms with these experiences. They tell me that after banging their head against the wall for several years, they finally came to the realization that if they continue to focus on the past—on things they had no control over—they would never be happy. Through a process of active forgetting and force of will, they’ve moved on and accepted things as best they could.
In other instances, people underestimate the impact of experiences like emotional abuse, bullying, or living with cultural oppressions perpetrated by a White, male-dominated, heteronormative, trans-phobic power structure. Those who fall into this camp are vulnerable to blaming themselves for their own perceived shortcomings or minimizing their own suffering by comparing themselves to the more conspicuous abuses endured by others.
How I Can Help:
Psychological education is a central mission in my work. While I am an excellent listener and sometimes just nod my head, I am an active participant in treatment. I provide ongoing feedback about what I’m thinking and what I think will help. I regularly recommend books, podcasts, apps, and other materials that will help provide insights and information beyond what is shared in our sessions.
I will help you understand strategies and tools that have helped others in your shoes. I also act as a support, helping to keep you on track, providing non-judgmental understanding as well as strategies to employ for thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that come between you and your goals.
With friends and family, it can feel like there’s an expiration date on discussing the traumas that have impacted your life. Depending on your needs, treatment can be brief or long. Sometimes, a few key insights and tools can be enough to get you on your way. Other times, we take your growth and healing as it comes, without a timetable.
The needs of people living with PTSD and trauma come in all shapes and sizes. As such, treatment is not a one size fits all approach. Patients usually come to me with an image of what they would like their life to look like without trauma. They naturally get stuck when they see how far that vision is from the reality of their current Life. My work is to act as a bridge–helping you lay stepping stones, one at a time, to cross that gap.
The core components of my work involve:
Control-Mastery Therapy (CMT)
Control-Mastery refers to the theory’s premise that people have control over the content of their minds and the belief that people seek out treatment in order to master their own lives. CMT teaches that we develop beliefs about ourselves and the world through early childhood experiences. Foundational experiences become something like an operating manual for life—and many of us do very little updating of these systems as we grow and develop. As adults, these presumptions can come to dominate our lives—even when we have lived for many years outside paradigms like those that existed in our childhood homes. As a result, a person will often react in ways that have little to do with the reality of the present situation. This undermining dynamic can create self-fulfilling prophecies that undermine health and psychological well-being.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
This treatment utilizes mindfulness-based interventions like acceptance to decrease the power of negative thoughts and feelings. ACT also facilitates behavior change through a commitment to value-driven goals and activities.
Mindfulness-Based Interventions
I am experienced with mediation and integrate this philosophy and its practices into my treatments. Though extremely helpful, it is not necessary that you take on a meditation practice to benefit from treatment.
Positive Psychology
Psychology has long concerned itself with things that are going wrong—examples of this line of thinking are concepts like “you’re codependent,” “depressed,” or have “mother issues.” By contrast, Positive Psychology investigates the components of happiness and well-being. This approach utilizes and builds upon your existing strengths to treat trauma.
Existential Psychology
Issues of meaning and purpose go to the core of issues faced by trauma survivors. An important dimension of treatment involves helping you to identify enduring values and personality strengths that can provide a foundation for a well-lived life. I help support these endeavors and coach you in strategies that will help move you toward achieving these goals.
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I am an active participant in treatment and assist with ongoing feedback and real-time strategies to address your concerns. During early sessions, I will work to gain a thorough understanding of your experience, including important figures in your life, both past and present. We are all profoundly affected by key life experiences that shape our understanding of ourselves and influence our worldview. Sometimes, exploring the past can be uncomfortable, but rest assured that with a trusted guide who takes things at your pace, it gets easier. Throughout treatment, we will set achievable goals and work toward them together.
The people I work with often report that therapy helps them find the clarity and tools necessary to meet their needs so they can feel less alone and less frustrated with life. I utilize proven methods to help patients learn how to improve self-confidence, reduce feelings of depression, and live more fully—even in the face of trauma. Contact me now to learn more about how we can work together to help you break through in a way that feels natural to your own experience. I’d like to hear your story.
You’ve Waited Long Enough For Help
Let’s talk about how I can help you make a positive change. Call me now at 415-350-9611 for a completely confidential phone intake. If you’re not comfortable talking on the phone, you can email me at timlewispsyd@gmail.com.
Frequently Asked Questions
What’s wrong with just putting the painful past behind me? I’m objectively better off than most people
Sometimes nothing—feeling gratitude for our perseverance and personal strengths help us find greater meaning in life and is crucial to our psychological well-being.
However, underestimating the far-reaching effects of trauma can be costly. As they say in Alcoholics Anonymous, “deal with your problems or they’ll deal with you.” Yet sometimes, even when the effects of trauma have been dealt with, symptoms can reappear. Like the mythical multi-headed hydra, the effects of trauma can manifest in different ways over the course of a lifetime—just when you think you’ve finally severed its head, another appears to take its place.
Many trauma survivors are well aware of this process, but fail to make important connections between problems relating to themselves and others and traumatic social oppression. For example, a trauma survivor might view their low self-esteem, conflict avoidance, or difficulty with self-assertion as a personality flaw—not an adaptive strategy honed over a lifetime to address the shame they experience for being part of a group that is devalued by the dominant power structure.
How is talking about my problems going to help?
Trauma therapy is much more than venting about problems and offloading feelings. It also involves trying out new things to see how they feel. I have found that real-life change occurs not just when we begin to think differently, but also when we have different experiences in our day-to-day lives. Changing how you feel involves trying new things in your existing relationships—such as romantic partners, coworkers, and friends—and also developing new connections. As we work together, you can enact real, positive change in all areas of your life.
What if I’ve tried therapy before and I didn’t really notice any changes in myself?
It really frustrates me when I hear people say past treatments didn’t help. That’s not your fault. Perhaps your former therapist was not well-versed in trauma treatment. From our first session together, you and I will establish a dialogue about what is and isn’t working in your life and begin to establish goals and track progress. Some problems run deeper than others, and we’ll break our interventions into manageable pieces to keep you moving forward. If therapy is feeling like a mystery to you, then I’m not doing my job. I am dedicated to developing a treatment strategy that works for you—every step of the way.
